the Lottery Tree
this is Kermit with a Banjo. this is his Plectrum 4 String Banjo. i want one!
after LOTTERY TICKETS 10, 11, 12, 13, and 14 i will be able to buy one.
not only will i be able to buy an awesome Plectrum Banjo, but i’ll also be able to buy a 5 string bluegrass banjo! there are SO many banjos to get and of course i would love to own them all, but for now, i think 2 will suffice. 
Now, i know what you’re thinking and yes we DO need to get more peanut butter because its running low, and WOW FIVE LOTTERY TICKETS must make you a quadrapahshrillionaire! However i just got some peanut butter so we’re good on that front and these next 4 tickets are all pretty small amounts to win; they all add up to $1,877. So, no, i will never be a quadrapahshrillionaire. Since Kermit is always out touring and, ya know, jumping over things…. with his banjo……… (i still dont know why he needs to bring his banjo with him when he jumps over things. i see him do it, and he’s NOT playing banjo when he does it, but yet he insists!) …. i will need to get my own Plectrum and Bluegrass banjo
i think Eighteen hundred seventy seven dollars should do the trick, dont you think? they better be some DADDY* banjos. 
*for definition of ‘DADDY' please click on DADDY

this is Kermit with a Banjo. 
this is his Plectrum 4 String Banjo. 
i want one!

after LOTTERY TICKETS 10, 11, 12, 13, and 14 i will be able to buy one.

not only will i be able to buy an awesome Plectrum Banjo, but i’ll also be able to buy a 5 string bluegrass banjo! there are SO many banjos to get and of course i would love to own them all, but for now, i think 2 will suffice. 

Now, i know what you’re thinking and yes we DO need to get more peanut butter because its running low, and WOW FIVE LOTTERY TICKETS must make you a quadrapahshrillionaire! However i just got some peanut butter so we’re good on that front and these next 4 tickets are all pretty small amounts to win; they all add up to $1,877. So, no, i will never be a quadrapahshrillionaire. Since Kermit is always out touring and, ya know, jumping over things…. with his banjo……… (i still dont know why he needs to bring his banjo with him when he jumps over things. i see him do it, and he’s NOT playing banjo when he does it, but yet he insists!) …. i will need to get my own Plectrum and Bluegrass banjo

i think Eighteen hundred seventy seven dollars should do the trick, dont you think? they better be some DADDY* banjos. 

*for definition of ‘DADDY' please click on DADDY

kermit with a Bluegrass banjo and all 5 lottery tickets that will allow me to buy my own one of these kinds of banjos because Ketmit’s always galavanting out with his buddies and their banjos. 
kermit’s always with his buddies and their banjos

kermit with a Bluegrass banjo and all 5 lottery tickets that will allow me to buy my own one of these kinds of banjos because Ketmit’s always galavanting out with his buddies and their banjos. 

kermit’s always with his buddies and their banjos

WINNER!!!!
this is THREE times in a row i won something!! it took 5 lottery tickets to win, but i won! i won the amount shown in the photo, so not really a lot.
how bout since i have spent the last $30 of winnings on myself…..on booze………….. i continue that trend, yet i give back to….. booze…. so…
next time i get a beer at a bar, i will tip an extra dollar, my winning dollar, on a celebratory drink for winning the lottery so many times. i’m a winner!
and so are you
and you
and even you

WINNER!!!!

this is THREE times in a row i won something!!
it took 5 lottery tickets to win, but i won!
i won the amount shown in the photo, so not really a lot.

how bout since i have spent the last $30 of winnings on myself…..on booze………….. i continue that trend, yet i give back to….. booze…. so…

next time i get a beer at a bar, i will tip an extra dollar, my winning dollar, on a celebratory drink for winning the lottery so many times.
i’m a winner!

and so are you

and you

and even you

after i win 
LOTTERY TICKET NUMBER 8
this is what i will look like. this will be my face when i find out that i just won 3 MILLION DOLLARS. this is probably how i will freeze for the rest of my life if i win this lottery ticket… …and i’ll probably have to use at least half of that for surgery to unfreeze it…
no, but really i’m totally going to win this lottery ticket. i can just FEEL it! i’m already on a roll with my last ticket’s winnings of 10$ AND someone in the state i live in won that crazy huge lottery that just happened. so, i’ve GOT to have breathed some air that she breathed. And that means something profound. So profound, that to put it in writing would insult its words to the point at which it wouldnt make sense because it would self destruct its profoundness to oblivion. and i’m not a word murderer. 
what do i look like, some sort of WORD MURDERER to you? do you think i enslave punctuation marks?? well i dont because you cant enslave a punctuation mark because its just something that gets written down on a page or said in a sentence. And unless i can make paper come to life or take your words and put them in a jar and filter out all the punctuation marks and put that mixture in a basket with eggs and then make a being out of that and then make it do my dishes or scoop my cat poop and change the litter but not all the time because you dont need to and it saves money and wastes less cat litter, then there is NO WAY i can do horrible things to words or punctuation marks. 
i may have cheese socks or jars of beanfries, but i aint no WORD MURDERER.

after i win 

LOTTERY TICKET NUMBER 8

this is what i will look like.
this will be my face when i find out that i just won 3 MILLION DOLLARS.
this is probably how i will freeze for the rest of my life if i win this lottery ticket…
…and i’ll probably have to use at least half of that for surgery to unfreeze it…

no, but really i’m totally going to win this lottery ticket. i can just FEEL it! i’m already on a roll with my last ticket’s winnings of 10$ AND someone in the state i live in won that crazy huge lottery that just happened. so, i’ve GOT to have breathed some air that she breathed. And that means something profound. So profound, that to put it in writing would insult its words to the point at which it wouldnt make sense because it would self destruct its profoundness to oblivion. and i’m not a word murderer. 

what do i look like, some sort of WORD MURDERER to you? do you think i enslave punctuation marks?? well i dont because you cant enslave a punctuation mark because its just something that gets written down on a page or said in a sentence. And unless i can make paper come to life or take your words and put them in a jar and filter out all the punctuation marks and put that mixture in a basket with eggs and then make a being out of that and then make it do my dishes or scoop my cat poop and change the litter but not all the time because you dont need to and it saves money and wastes less cat litter, then there is NO WAY i can do horrible things to words or punctuation marks. 

i may have cheese socks or jars of beanfries, but i aint no WORD MURDERER.

what would i do with 3 million $$$
well as we’ve learned with all that lotto hubub in the news, i wont be winning ALL that money, so lets say i win 1 million dollars and i have to try to use as much of it as i can, so here goes
obviously i would want to give some to relatives and loved ones, mostly to those who allowed me to live and not die as a baby. and then ya know, paying off people for being my friends all these years; maybe i would give some to actual friends who could use a buck or 10 thousand. I would like to donate to some theaters that have let me be crazy on their stages over these years, of course give some to old town school of folk.  So, lets say for Donations to friends and other places, i would give up to $100,000.
i would pay my rent for the rest of the year i would go out for a day giving 100 dollar bills to homeless people and random things in the day. i would go to at least one to 3 games of baseball in Wrigley AND US Cellular renting out the  ”DADDY*” suite and getting full catering. And come to think of it, i’d probably fly to Philly and do that there as well with the Pool in Arizona and the best suite in the new Miami Marlins park, i bet that is like DADDY times DADDY. 
i would invite all my friends who could make it to a place that would serve a complete farm raised meal from a farm that is less then 300 miles away. And i would want to do it on the west coast so i could get all those awesome mushrooms, great sourdough bread, and amazing wine. And it would be in this awesome area out west and we all would be housed in these large homes that we can rent out and they have like 6 bedrooms in each house. I would pay for the flight for all of my friends and pretty much pay for everything. 
with all of that, i bet i would  still have at LEAST $200,000 left.   heres an idea, i would reach out to the Cubs season ticket holders and i would find someone who had 2 tickets to all 81 games and i would offer them $100,000 if i could buy their season ticket rights. Since it will probably take my whole life before i get picked to get season tickets, i need to find another way to get in on that. So i would want to basically buy their season ticket TITLE, i guess. 
with $100,000 or so left, i would buy a billboard with my face on it, the same picture as the previous entry.  And there would be something weird written on it that made sense at first (like ‘at least you’re not this guy’ or ‘is there something on my teeth?’), but every few weeks, i would change whats written and it would just start to make less and less sense (like ‘my feet are talking to you’ or ‘stop showering with my toothbrush, Larry). And i would keep doing that until the rental money ran out.
yeah…. thats what i would do with a Million bucks
*a DADDY (anything) is like the TOP NOTCH/MOST EXPENSIVE/HOLY CRAP, ARE YOU SERIOUS THATS HOW MUCH IT COSTS of anything in its class.

what would i do with 3 million $$$


well as we’ve learned with all that lotto hubub in the news, i wont be winning ALL that money, so lets say i win 1 million dollars and i have to try to use as much of it as i can, so here goes

obviously i would want to give some to relatives and loved ones, mostly to those who allowed me to live and not die as a baby. and then ya know, paying off people for being my friends all these years; maybe i would give some to actual friends who could use a buck or 10 thousand. I would like to donate to some theaters that have let me be crazy on their stages over these years, of course give some to old town school of folk.  So, lets say for Donations to friends and other places, i would give up to $100,000.

i would pay my rent for the rest of the year
i would go out for a day giving 100 dollar bills to homeless people and random things in the day.
i would go to at least one to 3 games of baseball in Wrigley AND US Cellular renting out the  ”DADDY*” suite and getting full catering. And come to think of it, i’d probably fly to Philly and do that there as well with the Pool in Arizona and the best suite in the new Miami Marlins park, i bet that is like DADDY times DADDY. 

i would invite all my friends who could make it to a place that would serve a complete farm raised meal from a farm that is less then 300 miles away. And i would want to do it on the west coast so i could get all those awesome mushrooms, great sourdough bread, and amazing wine. And it would be in this awesome area out west and we all would be housed in these large homes that we can rent out and they have like 6 bedrooms in each house. I would pay for the flight for all of my friends and pretty much pay for everything. 

with all of that, i bet i would  still have at LEAST $200,000 left.
 
heres an idea, i would reach out to the Cubs season ticket holders and i would find someone who had 2 tickets to all 81 games and i would offer them $100,000 if i could buy their season ticket rights. Since it will probably take my whole life before i get picked to get season tickets, i need to find another way to get in on that. So i would want to basically buy their season ticket TITLE, i guess. 

with $100,000 or so left, i would buy a billboard with my face on it, the same picture as the previous entry.  And there would be something weird written on it that made sense at first (like ‘at least you’re not this guy’ or ‘is there something on my teeth?’), but every few weeks, i would change whats written and it would just start to make less and less sense (like ‘my feet are talking to you’ or ‘stop showering with my toothbrush, Larry). And i would keep doing that until the rental money ran out.

yeah…. thats what i would do with a Million bucks

*a DADDY (anything) is like the TOP NOTCH/MOST EXPENSIVE/HOLY CRAP, ARE YOU SERIOUS THATS HOW MUCH IT COSTS of anything in its class.

nothing….
crap crappington crap factories.
all that fun stuff i just talked about, well you can forget it, just pretend you were in 8th grade history class at 9 am and you have your county audition for 1st clarinet in 3rd period and you just forgot about it and are totally stoned because you got a ride into school instead of taking the bus and you didnt hear anything i just said.
however as you see in this picture, this lottery ticket is attached to ANOTHER LOTTERY TICKET!!! Since they are both 20$ lottery scratch off tickets, and i’m impatient for free money, i’m scratchin it off!!!

nothing….

crap crappington crap factories.

all that fun stuff i just talked about, well you can forget it, just pretend you were in 8th grade history class at 9 am and you have your county audition for 1st clarinet in 3rd period and you just forgot about it and are totally stoned because you got a ride into school instead of taking the bus and you didnt hear anything i just said.

however as you see in this picture, this lottery ticket is attached to ANOTHER LOTTERY TICKET!!! Since they are both 20$ lottery scratch off tickets, and i’m impatient for free money, i’m scratchin it off!!!

Lottery Ticket number 9
this is only for 2 million, so i guess we can say after taxes, i’ll have $500,000 at least. 
i’m buying a place. thats it. i’ll find an awesome apartment or some sort of house in the city, but i wanna buy a really cool place for maybe $375,000 and then use the rest on taxes and furniture and all the stuff one would need for a new place.
and if i had any extra, maybe a star trek pinball machine. 
ya gotta have a pinball machine. 
(this is Lucille Two with the lottery ticket)

Lottery Ticket number 9


this is only for 2 million, so i guess we can say after taxes, i’ll have $500,000 at least. 

i’m buying a place. thats it. i’ll find an awesome apartment or some sort of house in the city, but i wanna buy a really cool place for maybe $375,000 and then use the rest on taxes and furniture and all the stuff one would need for a new place.

and if i had any extra, maybe a star trek pinball machine. 

ya gotta have a pinball machine. 

(this is Lucille Two with the lottery ticket)

SWEET MONEYBAGS!!!
i won $20!!
i won i won i won!!!!
just looking on Stub Hub, there are around 20 Cubs games right now that are so cheap, i could buy two tickets for under 20$
so thats what i’m doing! theres worse things i could do with 20$…. like maybe go to a White Sox game… 
(this is Scientist Cat who is also a Cubs Fan)

SWEET MONEYBAGS!!!


i won $20!!

i won i won i won!!!!

just looking on Stub Hub, there are around 20 Cubs games right now that are so cheap, i could buy two tickets for under 20$

so thats what i’m doing!
theres worse things i could do with 20$…. like maybe go to a White Sox game… 

(this is Scientist Cat who is also a Cubs Fan)

LOTTERY TICKET #7
see these guys? they are burrito men and who clearly look like little men and very small young men and even a baby. i am having no luck with these lottery tickets, but onward i must trudge! so if i win this $250,000 ticket, i will split it evenly between all of us. if we have to be realistic, we would probably only get half of that due to taxes and the DARK SIDE. So, 125,000 split between us would be $25,000; a chunk of change. thats a nice chunk for all of us, especially for that bald small man who probably wont even think about using money till he’s at least 4.
with my share? hmmm i think in honor of these burrito men, i would invite ALL my friends out to a awesome dinner at some crappy but large mexican place… maybe Mi Tierra on Belmont. and i would just treat everyone. then, the next weekend i could, i would fly to mexico and do an all expense paid thing for like 3 or 4 days and i would get the most expensive suite in the place. then with whatever is left over… road trip to Pittsburgh to see games at PNC Park and i will buy at least 10 cases of Yuengling to bring back to Chicago with me.
lets hope the lottery gods think highly of my plan and reward me with a just reward.

LOTTERY TICKET #7

see these guys? they are burrito men and who clearly look like little men and very small young men and even a baby. i am having no luck with these lottery tickets, but onward i must trudge! so if i win this $250,000 ticket, i will split it evenly between all of us. if we have to be realistic, we would probably only get half of that due to taxes and the DARK SIDE. So, 125,000 split between us would be $25,000; a chunk of change. thats a nice chunk for all of us, especially for that bald small man who probably wont even think about using money till he’s at least 4.

with my share? hmmm i think in honor of these burrito men, i would invite ALL my friends out to a awesome dinner at some crappy but large mexican place… maybe Mi Tierra on Belmont. and i would just treat everyone. then, the next weekend i could, i would fly to mexico and do an all expense paid thing for like 3 or 4 days and i would get the most expensive suite in the place. then with whatever is left over… road trip to Pittsburgh to see games at PNC Park and i will buy at least 10 cases of Yuengling to bring back to Chicago with me.

lets hope the lottery gods think highly of my plan and reward me with a just reward.

me getting ready to win these burrito men and myself some extra spending cash, a mexican dinner, and a trip to Mexico and Pittsburgh… 
wow. i dont think anyone has ever been excited about a trip to Mexico and a trip to Pittsburgh, PA in the same sentence ever. 
also theres a cat in the background

me getting ready to win these burrito men and myself some extra spending cash, a mexican dinner, and a trip to Mexico and Pittsburgh… 

wow. i dont think anyone has ever been excited about a trip to Mexico and a trip to Pittsburgh, PA in the same sentence ever. 

also theres a cat in the background